He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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