I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
