I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
