hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
