I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
