guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
