So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
