I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
