So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
