I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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