You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
