I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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