of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
