I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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