It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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