His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize