Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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