Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
