I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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