You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
