So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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