I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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