I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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