Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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