We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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