I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
