The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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