How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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