my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
