I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
