he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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