I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
