apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
