Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
