Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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