Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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