Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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