New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize