Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
40s are totally the cure
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
