If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
