Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
