if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
