It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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