we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dick very happy bro
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
