There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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