he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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