nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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