She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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