and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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