he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize