Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
