May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
