no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
