Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
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