My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
