please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
