I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
