Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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