Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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