he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
