wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
