he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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