Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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