She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
