I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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