the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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