Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
