Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Come on in and take your pants off
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